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Little Mortimer in Bathland

by Floor Plan

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1.
“People of Toy Manor!” Prepare the pole that holds a stable pile of colorful rings So it appears as though a donut rainbow sky was sculpted for kings Eyeing through kaleidoscopes A geometric spectacle On our way… O, Angels skimming hills and chimney tops in a snow globe Where Vanilla City’s children are sipping cups of hot cocoa Every block from A to Z All corners of the nursery On our way out On our way out Give the wind up one tweak, The player of spinets spun free, And a barrel of monkeys unlink arms and hoard The organ grinder’s money Bicycling carnie, Pedals a red penny farthing, As several snarling swordsman snickersnee The mini-steamer engine is starting. “Alright then, single file line!” On our way out Little Mortimer in Bathland
2.
Engine Room 04:19
The screws and springs Are all loosening Says the engineer A moving sea Of oozing grease Drowns us Drowns us Leaving on the engine room light he finds Stowaways Stowaways Leaving on the engine room light It shines No one no one In this place Meanwhile I hid Was moving in silence Noticed a turbine And watched from behind it “Oil drum oil drums!” “There’s a boy among These mechanisms!” Says the piston and The boiler pump “O you blow steam Through your old cheap metal! Yes you, you overgrown teakettle. It’s always something banging Your clank trap.” Angrily exclaimed the crankshaft. “Shhhhh, I hear something.” The engineer coming closer So I took off scared running. “O no you don’t, you’re paying a visit to the boss.” Overdrive on each crankshaft And slide valve’s black exhaust Pressure gauges crack And gears were giant cogs It was warming up
3.
Now the mainland behind Telescope only shows Each little wave of white Rolling along eh eh eh eh eh eh eh “There’s no sea I haven’t seen.” “You’ve seen all seven?” “All Seventeen!” You see I’ve sailed the cellophane seas, Held on the helm through the velveteen reefs. Live to tell the tale of Toe Jam Oceans, And now sail ‘til the Coast of Hansoap’s end. Shorelines On Coloring Book Land Swept tides Where maidens had mopped sand Now the mainland behind Telescope only shows Each little wave of white Rolling along eh eh eh eh eh eh eh Away we’d row in gravy boats Through the Suppertime Sea. Twas you and I seeing cups of wine On the buttered brine beach. Lost coves Glowing with green light Great gulfs Full up with egg whites Now the mainland behind Telescope only shows Each little wave of white “To Adventure!” Said the steamboat OK! Who trapped the sea’s Swelling symphony in this shell? O the things you hear Are they really there? How can it be My ear echoing to itself? O the world you’ll find Is your empty mind See the walrus and the sea lion See the oysters at their bedside See the starfish spinning slowly I see belugas, see a great white See a blue whale, see octopi See the shrimp dressed in suit and tie Now your getting it! Long for the ride Bathland ahoy Hand on the helm New cabin boy All board the ship Swab down the deck Full steam ahead S.S. Sing-a-long!
4.
And then he said “Excusez-moi?" And spews some vomit Influenza harlequin in loose-fit garments. Huge thermometer that he holds to his armpit “To Amuzement Park De Woozy C’mon kids!” Detunning organ music chords bend Loop accordion as carousel unicorns spin. “Marry-Go-House?” “It’s all in here.” “Hi, I'm Mortimer” “Bonjour little Mal de Mer” Welcome you snot-nosed child (Treat our guest nice) Flying hotel and theme park (Haven’t had one for some time) Step foot in Mary-Go-House Your mine Your mine Your mine Your mine Where is that lazy maiden (Bed and breakfast waits) That poor excuse for a servant (She’ll show you to your room this way) Step foot in Mary-Go-House Your mine Your mine Your mine Your mine And then she says “That old ring leader and Monsieur Feverly, It’s pure evil the way the both treated me.” “Maiden, lazy maiden come quick!” Two rooms down is the bouncy castle Knights gouge tower with jousting match poles “Careful you fools, every rooms held up with balloons.” I know these waters won’t take to my stomach kindly I feel it In the dream, in the dream Over black oceans made of tears from Pierrot’s face I flew In the dream, in the dream “So you think you’ve escaped From my clutches As your eyes awake How clever…”
5.
Duck Knights 03:35
As the musk of rum disrupts the air The buccaneers on rubber ducks appear In a stormy sea of suds they sneer Gruff be their tongues, scruffy their beards “We swashbuckle through wash bubbles for war we’ve come prepared.” By their blunderbusses thunderous blare You’ll sink to the plug of bundle up hair “You’ll pay for what you have done to our captain.” “You gave him a patch and handicapped him.” “Now he hates the way he looks.” “When one hand waves it waves a hook.” “He can’t sashay or race on foot.” “For one of his legs be made of wood.” Hurraaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr! “Another hog’s head you mateys, and pour it quick.” We sing a song of sunken ships Of ale and rums, of drunken whims We sing of shores with broken oars From many men who rowed our course Who could be the one in charge Him with a beard black as his heart He’ll scare the scales off any snook The water closet king of crooks “What have I done What have I done? Put a landlubber on lookout?” “Haha c’mon yee squalid squids Yee languid lobsters! You scaleless fish skeletons, tail-end of salmon You shallow-end sailors, you showerhead swivelers Rrrrr” “The canons are ready, and awaiting your orders captain!” “Good, very good. This is your last chance, C’mon and join us.” “No.” “Fools! Duck Knights, show them the bottom of the bath.” “Blast you, Canons fire!” As the musk of rum disrupts the air The buccaneers on rubber ducks appear In a stormy sea of suds they sneer As the musk of rum disrupts the air As the musk of rum disrupts the air “YO HO.”
6.
7.
Oooooooooooo My pinky toe is twinkling Eyelids lower, a glowworm's blinking Her lonely light against the Milky Way The stars are showing brighter Still each plays with Pillow case and silk pj’s Bedtime hats and quilt sheet capes Blanket forts built in space Beside the moons round and silvery face “Starshine, O that starshine Starshine Moonlight, lovely moonlight Moonlight” “What happened to the little glowworm?” “The moon turned her into the brightest star of the night.” “Starshine, O that starshine Starshine Moonlight, lovely moonlight Moonlight”
8.
A trail of banana peels A land of wilderness Where the crayons all fell into The hands of villainous chimpanzees, Madrillus sphinxes, and gorillas As we proceed with canteen’s and pith helmets. The viney jungle the Blueatang hangs out in One hand in the thumbhole of the painters pallot When he swung low the lion’s angrily growled And with one stroke he saved their manes and brown skin “Well tickle me pink and periwinkle Lions, Lemers, the Canary wings gold.” “Snakes slither in hideous shades with their ty-dy tongues hissing away.” “Red proboscis monkey, preposterous! A boxer’s punching bag for that snoz of his. Look at the ostriches, They’re not their color but merely their compliments” Divvying up the shades Of teal Of beige Of pink Of orange Of sea green Of yellow Of royal blue Of gold Of gray Of red Of black Of off-white He’s returned here Re-coloring our trees He’s returned here Re-coloring our vines Our vines Plaid-patterned pachyderms, Lavender parrots fly With platinum birds of paradise. Zebras black and purple bearing hides And tigers with tertiary stripes. He’s returned here Re-coloring our trees He’s returned here Re-coloring our vines He’s returned here
9.
Skull Jones 04:09
“Banshee boys, Your in for quite a surprise! You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Phalanges reach for piano keys “He’s Handsome” A man so lean the bones In his hands and fingers show In the amphitheatre at the grand opening A standing O, a phantom screams, Shadows dance to jazz swing Jones by candles beam of light From inside a Jack-O-Lanterns gleam On black and white, his spidery hands would leap, Like tarantulas on ivory trampelines. “Skeletones!” Dance and sing “Scarecrows!” On ghastly beats Ghosts on trombone, anthem proceeds Grabs the mic strikes up the band and sings Oh no Skull Jones With a band of bones Graves all sway in rows (Dance with me) Handsome spook (“Why thank you.”) Swanky suit (“Far too kind.”) Skeletones “Hit it boys!” “Time for my solo Watch out now here come those ghost notes Aww you didn’t like Jones’s joke? Whats the matter boy, your funny bone’s broke?” Lost by the grave yard, me and some good friends Looking in through the space in the crooked fence, ‘Til a great wooshing wind pushed against the gate, didn’t anticipate that it would unhinge “Rattlebones shoosh!” “It wasn’t me look its them!” Saw our faces, they came and the took us in To the stage, thought our fate was looking grim But they invited us to stay and play music with them Oh no Skull Jones And the Banshee Boys Graves all sway in rows Handsome spook Swanky suit Skeletones At twelve o’clock am The town mausoleum Turns into a jazz concert hall coliseum You’ll probably be greeted by peach cobbler-eating Hobgoblins who’re drinking a cauldron of sweet tea and When everything seems just a bit Halloweenish Except there’s no costumes just all these creatures Witches on besoms will howl and shriek as The man with the skull is pounding the keys in!
10.
Save me and all my friends a spot On a faucet mountain top As we slide up this silver rock And through the wintry air We’ll find ourselves again “Aww, what a cheerful time To lay here in the snow after a careful climb.” And now our little arms wave in arches And forms a wing design Sweeping our legs we shape the gowns Bell choir softly chimes Lifting our angels o’er the town Frosting our roofs in white “Heaps and heaps of snow falling free from their wings near and far. But the heap is to big it’s starting to give where we are.” Save me and all my friends a spot On a faucet mountain top As we slide down this silver rock And through the wintry air I’ve lost my way again
11.
Gold music box and pocket bells
12.
“I’m just a donut hole Momma says I’ll grow. With sip sip sip And a hm hm hm Garden milk is good.” “Gee Wiz Mr. Happler.” “Don’t try and stop me!” From Bagel Land to Table Manor To the golden-paved road of Egg Yolk Scramblers Where crape and pancake home’s damaged As the lake of Day-Old Jam floods Cause in our courts, plays a harpsichord For one they shouldn’t roll the red carpet for. “Where the Cruller King rules with his tomfoolery And with his wrongdoings he had ruined neighboring kings” “Do you know who the most noblest of donuts to ever take the throne is?” “Why its you, your royal holeness” Yes your majesty Your majesty The donut hole who seeks allies finds A piece of quiche who beat the Breakfast pizza pie slice. Wheat and White Knight Unsheathing thy knife With buttered-blade Cut away the Evil Rye’s strikes. And Lord Crescent and Prince Scone Avenge the ten loaves of French toast Tigertail donut like a Bengal cub Know and the striped knight Sir Tangold-Up And in battle ended the evil king’s reign And the chambermaids sang: “The Cruller King fell and the Jelly-Filled King Return and with morning melody sings” Yes your majesty Your majesty “All hail! Lord of the tigress tail, jelly fillings, Critters of the Apple Fritter Forest And the Crullers of the Bavarian Castle, I present to you your king.” “Here yee here yee This powder peasant as shown great chivalry And saved us along with our fellow kingdoms. I now dub thee Sir Powdered Hole the Brave.” “Thank you Mortimer, the bard will sing and he’ll strum, You’ll be remembered in song For many mornings to come.”

credits

released February 21, 2011

Lyrics By Kegan Swyers
Music by Caleb and Kegan Swyers
Characters Designed by Drew Swyers
Artwork By Kyle Armstrong

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